I am who i am

Ada kalanya sesuatu itu sulit untuk dijelaskan, ada kalanya sesuatu sulit untuk dimengerti dan banyak hal yang terjadi.
Terkadang kata maaf adalah sebuah kata yang paling mudah untuk dikatakan kalau kita merasa bersalah dan merasa bahwa kita  melukai seseorang baik sengaja maupun tidak. Tapi karena terlalu mudahnya kata itu keluar dari mulut seseorang, kata tersebut juga semakin tidak memiliki arti yang sama lagi.
Kata maaf yang sudah ada di ujung lidah, rasanya begitu sulit untuk dikeluarkan sekarang walau saya tahu kalau kata tersebut setidaknya patut didengar oleh orang-orang yang pantas, tapi tidak baik rasanya kalau kata maaf yang keluar tidak memiliki maknanya sama sekali.
Sebut saya egois, sebut saya dengan berbagai kata yang kalian inginkan ... Tapi kenyataanya, di dalam hati saya ... saya tidak merasa bersalah sama sekali. Mungkin sedikit ...
Sulit untuk menjelaskan sesuatu yang orang lain tidak pernah rasakan ... Sulit rasanya untuk terus menerus merasa benar padahal apa yang kita lakukan adalah yang jauh dari hal benar ... Sulit rasanya untuk bangkit dari keterpurukan ... Sulit rasanya untuk bertahan dari kesalahan yang tidak pernah kita lakukan.
Banyak kata yang ingin saya sampaikan, tapi terlau sulit untuk diutarakan.
Banyak hal yang ingin saya bagi, tapi terlalu sulit untuk orang lain menerima apalagi mengerti
Sulit rasanya untuk tetap berdiri di kedua kaki sendiri , karena saya tahu kalau sudah lama saya kehilangan diri saya di tengah-tengah perjalanan.
Saya kehilangan semua kontrol atas diri saya, baik secara emosional dan fisik.
Saya kehilangan pegangan atas apa yang seharusnya ada, dengan apa yang saya percayai.

Banyak hal yang memang harus terjadi tanpa bisa orang lain jelaskan, tetapi lebih sakit lagi kalau hal itu terjadi namun tidak seorangpun ada untuk menjelaskan apalagi mendampingi kita di saat-saat hal buruk terjadi di dalamnya.
Terlalu egois bila saya bilang bahwa saya yang paling tersakiti, karena jawabannya adalah bukan saya saja yang paling tersakiti, tetapi kita semua.
Saya selalu merasa bahwa saya sudah cukup dewasa untuk menghadapi segala hal yang terjadi, bahwa tidak ada hal yang bisa mengejutkan lagi untuk dilihat oleh kedua mata saya.
Tapi pada kenyataannya, ada hal-hal yang memang terjadi diluar ekspetasi kita sebagai manusia.

Kebahagiaan, kesedihan, keegoisan, keputusasaan, kehilangan, kekosongan, kehampaan, air mata, senyum, tawa, kelahiran dan kematian. Banyak hal yang tidak saya mengerti atau bahkan tidak akan pernah saya mengerti.

Tetapi saya hanyalah seorang anak kecil yang terperangkap di tubuh orang dewasa, yang dipaksa untuk bersikap layaknya orang dewasa yang mampu menerima segala keadaan.

Home

I want to born,life, and leave without any regret ..

People tend to say that regret always come late, and i must say it is true and now i got it too.

I don't have any word left ... i realize that i write a lot of thing this past few days, i open myself trough my writing.

I realize that i far from perfect .. i lacking a lot in many aspect ...

I really know that sometimes i'm not a good person, sometimes my ego always make a barrier around myself, i attend too attached with my feeling, sometimes i forget that people around me may got hurt with my word.

But sometimes i forget that i'm a ordinary human too .. i want to make a lot of people happy until i remember that me, myself became a victim of my action.

I just realize that Happiness is always be my goal.

You can say it just too lame or poor purpose, but i know .. deep inside my heart, happiness is always the answer from all my problem.

We can passed a lot of problem if we are happy, call me crazy but it how i feel.

I love all of people around me. they so kind ... especially my family and my siblings, i love them dearly with all of my heart, they always be my number one supporter even we're not perfect as a family but they always beside me, and i'm glad that i have them.

I love my best friends, both of them always be on my best and bad  side. They knew everything about me that i didn't even know. they're my truly friends,sisters and other half.

i love my grandma because she's the best woman that i ever met. she's so kind and full of forgiveness. and it's truly an honour to be her granddaughter.

As for my life, i truly regret because i can't have a lot of experience. i always be a coward and over thinking person. so i really want to feel and savour as much as i can. i want to do a lot of thing, i want to express my heart freely. but i just to focus with what other people may think and say about me. So i kind of miss a lot fun thing. I want to make everyone pleased, but i forget that i must make myself pleased first right?

I'm sorry i'm not as perfect as you want me to be ...

I'm sorry i'm not a good person ...

I have a lot of regret, but i can't say it now .. cause regret always come in late.

I'm happy to be life, to be able to see as much as i can, to be able to hear as much as i want ...

I'm sorry i'm such a coward sometimes ....

I'm sorry i can't be a good daughter,sister,friends, granddaughter or niece.

Thank you for all the support,wishes and courage that all of you give to me.

Thank you for all of your love to me ...

But i must leaving someday ...

 i choose to going back,

And i'm going back to HOME : )

With a lot of Love,

Angeliane 

Happy Chinese New Year!

Hello, readers ...
i'm just gonna say Happy Chinese New Year :)
Xin Nian Kuai Le , Gong Xi Fa Cai , Wan Shi Ru Yi

Hopefully in this Horse Year, we will gain a lot of happiness
Be healthy, be positive and a lot of good thing happen in this Year!

♥ 

'Match The Dress' project (part 2)

Bonjour,readers
i'm back again! and today i will tell you another Style about my previous android project.
Here we go ....

Actually, i'm not really sure about the "Classic" style. I do some research before (hehe) and i got an information that, Classic style is related with black and white colour. But since i don't really have a lot of black and white attire, i decided to put some of the"Vintage" style in the same category

The bag is belong to my Mom,
but it belong to her daughters now :)

As you can see, the three pic above is full of black and white attire :) and my favourite pic is the last one, i kinda look like a school girl there , what do you think? ;)

The last two picture, i called it a "Vintage Style" but i'm not really sure either.
so, just tell me what do you think about Vintage and Classic Style :)

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"Fashions fade, style is eternal"

-Yves Saint Laurent 

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♥ 

'Match The Dress' project (part 1)

Hello,readers~
In today post, i will show you more about my android project (read my previous post).
We (me and my friend) only made 3 different style : Casual , Classic and Formal .. and today, i will post the first one ...

i'm so embarrassed right now! hahaha 

i mean, i never take such a pic like this before  .. so yeah, it's a whole new world for me :)

Ok,back to the project and in this post i show you "My Casual Style"

First, i'm not use a lot of accessories, just a watches and also my ring + bracelet (which is from my mom and grandma) and for a Cap, i just take it from my brother :)

Second, usually i'm not really into skirt .. but it changed now, so i started to buy a new skirts ♥

i really love this long skirt from H&M

And the third is, i'm not into high heels, especially like this one (maybe around 10 cm) for my daily day. So, the high heels in the pic above is just for the project.  I will wear it for another event (just NOT for daily) ... but ...

FYI, i choose 3 cm for my daily :p

Last but not least, Jeans and T-shirt is a must!!! every people in this world have at least one of jeans and t-shirt, right? because it comfortable to wear, and the most important thing is ...   it will make you look 'good' in a blink of eye *wink* hahaha 

Ok,that's all about "My Casual Style" and I will meet you again with another Style :)

p.s : Thank you so much to my Sister,July ... who willingly to become my photographer,stylist and fashion stylist :) 

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"Fashion fades, only style remains the same"

-Coco Chanel 

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♥