My sister sing that song a while ago. And i felt something strange when i hear that song.
Well, i'm not a beautiful girl, not rich, not feminine or even famous and smart.
Have you ever feel, when sometimes your life seems so perfect and everybody will jealous with you? But, suddenly ... BOOOM! it's never happen again.
My life seemed so perfect in the beginning, i had parents who always fulfill my desire, i have grandmother who always loved me no matter my faults and i have sister and brother too, they're also kind.
But, when i was entered my high school, my life have changed.
In the beginning, i think my life will be fine. We can back to our old life.
But, it never happen. it's become worse.
it's more felt when my grandma passed away, 4 month ago. She's sick and i realize that i missed her so much.
I dreamed about her and she held my hand so tight. I know she's know that i'm not okay here.
My parents can't fulfill my desire anymore (there's connection with economic), my relationship with my mom was not good. i'm not closed with her. My grandmother is like my mother, she's my second mom.
I don't know why this problem exist in my family's life.
As i know, this problem will be resolved someday. i hope it fast.
Now, i saw my friends. Maybe they have their own problem. But, i felt that i'm not deserve to be their friends. I just not felt comfort. it looks increasingly obvious difference.
i'm stress, i'm not felt confident again. I feel inferior now.
I just need someone who know my feeling, but i'm not trust with love anymore.
I know love can heal the pain to other people, NOT me.
It's hard for me to find someone who know me so well. It's hard for they to accept me (i think)
No guys who wanted to have a girlfriend like me ....
I have a dream, i want to make my family proud of me someday.
Honestly, i miss my childhood, i dont really need to feel scared with this life.
But i know that God know ...
"In my life there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
Can't stop now, I've traveled so far
To change this lonely life"
-Mariah Carey
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