I am who i am

Ada kalanya sesuatu itu sulit untuk dijelaskan, ada kalanya sesuatu sulit untuk dimengerti dan banyak hal yang terjadi.
Terkadang kata maaf adalah sebuah kata yang paling mudah untuk dikatakan kalau kita merasa bersalah dan merasa bahwa kita  melukai seseorang baik sengaja maupun tidak. Tapi karena terlalu mudahnya kata itu keluar dari mulut seseorang, kata tersebut juga semakin tidak memiliki arti yang sama lagi.
Kata maaf yang sudah ada di ujung lidah, rasanya begitu sulit untuk dikeluarkan sekarang walau saya tahu kalau kata tersebut setidaknya patut didengar oleh orang-orang yang pantas, tapi tidak baik rasanya kalau kata maaf yang keluar tidak memiliki maknanya sama sekali.
Sebut saya egois, sebut saya dengan berbagai kata yang kalian inginkan ... Tapi kenyataanya, di dalam hati saya ... saya tidak merasa bersalah sama sekali. Mungkin sedikit ...
Sulit untuk menjelaskan sesuatu yang orang lain tidak pernah rasakan ... Sulit rasanya untuk terus menerus merasa benar padahal apa yang kita lakukan adalah yang jauh dari hal benar ... Sulit rasanya untuk bangkit dari keterpurukan ... Sulit rasanya untuk bertahan dari kesalahan yang tidak pernah kita lakukan.
Banyak kata yang ingin saya sampaikan, tapi terlau sulit untuk diutarakan.
Banyak hal yang ingin saya bagi, tapi terlalu sulit untuk orang lain menerima apalagi mengerti
Sulit rasanya untuk tetap berdiri di kedua kaki sendiri , karena saya tahu kalau sudah lama saya kehilangan diri saya di tengah-tengah perjalanan.
Saya kehilangan semua kontrol atas diri saya, baik secara emosional dan fisik.
Saya kehilangan pegangan atas apa yang seharusnya ada, dengan apa yang saya percayai.

Banyak hal yang memang harus terjadi tanpa bisa orang lain jelaskan, tetapi lebih sakit lagi kalau hal itu terjadi namun tidak seorangpun ada untuk menjelaskan apalagi mendampingi kita di saat-saat hal buruk terjadi di dalamnya.
Terlalu egois bila saya bilang bahwa saya yang paling tersakiti, karena jawabannya adalah bukan saya saja yang paling tersakiti, tetapi kita semua.
Saya selalu merasa bahwa saya sudah cukup dewasa untuk menghadapi segala hal yang terjadi, bahwa tidak ada hal yang bisa mengejutkan lagi untuk dilihat oleh kedua mata saya.
Tapi pada kenyataannya, ada hal-hal yang memang terjadi diluar ekspetasi kita sebagai manusia.

Kebahagiaan, kesedihan, keegoisan, keputusasaan, kehilangan, kekosongan, kehampaan, air mata, senyum, tawa, kelahiran dan kematian. Banyak hal yang tidak saya mengerti atau bahkan tidak akan pernah saya mengerti.

Tetapi saya hanyalah seorang anak kecil yang terperangkap di tubuh orang dewasa, yang dipaksa untuk bersikap layaknya orang dewasa yang mampu menerima segala keadaan.

Home

I want to born,life, and leave without any regret ..

People tend to say that regret always come late, and i must say it is true and now i got it too.

I don't have any word left ... i realize that i write a lot of thing this past few days, i open myself trough my writing.

I realize that i far from perfect .. i lacking a lot in many aspect ...

I really know that sometimes i'm not a good person, sometimes my ego always make a barrier around myself, i attend too attached with my feeling, sometimes i forget that people around me may got hurt with my word.

But sometimes i forget that i'm a ordinary human too .. i want to make a lot of people happy until i remember that me, myself became a victim of my action.

I just realize that Happiness is always be my goal.

You can say it just too lame or poor purpose, but i know .. deep inside my heart, happiness is always the answer from all my problem.

We can passed a lot of problem if we are happy, call me crazy but it how i feel.

I love all of people around me. they so kind ... especially my family and my siblings, i love them dearly with all of my heart, they always be my number one supporter even we're not perfect as a family but they always beside me, and i'm glad that i have them.

I love my best friends, both of them always be on my best and bad  side. They knew everything about me that i didn't even know. they're my truly friends,sisters and other half.

i love my grandma because she's the best woman that i ever met. she's so kind and full of forgiveness. and it's truly an honour to be her granddaughter.

As for my life, i truly regret because i can't have a lot of experience. i always be a coward and over thinking person. so i really want to feel and savour as much as i can. i want to do a lot of thing, i want to express my heart freely. but i just to focus with what other people may think and say about me. So i kind of miss a lot fun thing. I want to make everyone pleased, but i forget that i must make myself pleased first right?

I'm sorry i'm not as perfect as you want me to be ...

I'm sorry i'm not a good person ...

I have a lot of regret, but i can't say it now .. cause regret always come in late.

I'm happy to be life, to be able to see as much as i can, to be able to hear as much as i want ...

I'm sorry i'm such a coward sometimes ....

I'm sorry i can't be a good daughter,sister,friends, granddaughter or niece.

Thank you for all the support,wishes and courage that all of you give to me.

Thank you for all of your love to me ...

But i must leaving someday ...

 i choose to going back,

And i'm going back to HOME : )

With a lot of Love,

Angeliane 

Happy Chinese New Year!

Hello, readers ...
i'm just gonna say Happy Chinese New Year :)
Xin Nian Kuai Le , Gong Xi Fa Cai , Wan Shi Ru Yi

Hopefully in this Horse Year, we will gain a lot of happiness
Be healthy, be positive and a lot of good thing happen in this Year!

♥ 

'Match The Dress' project (part 2)

Bonjour,readers
i'm back again! and today i will tell you another Style about my previous android project.
Here we go ....

Actually, i'm not really sure about the "Classic" style. I do some research before (hehe) and i got an information that, Classic style is related with black and white colour. But since i don't really have a lot of black and white attire, i decided to put some of the"Vintage" style in the same category

The bag is belong to my Mom,
but it belong to her daughters now :)

As you can see, the three pic above is full of black and white attire :) and my favourite pic is the last one, i kinda look like a school girl there , what do you think? ;)

The last two picture, i called it a "Vintage Style" but i'm not really sure either.
so, just tell me what do you think about Vintage and Classic Style :)

---

"Fashions fade, style is eternal"

-Yves Saint Laurent 

---

♥ 

'Match The Dress' project (part 1)

Hello,readers~
In today post, i will show you more about my android project (read my previous post).
We (me and my friend) only made 3 different style : Casual , Classic and Formal .. and today, i will post the first one ...

i'm so embarrassed right now! hahaha 

i mean, i never take such a pic like this before  .. so yeah, it's a whole new world for me :)

Ok,back to the project and in this post i show you "My Casual Style"

First, i'm not use a lot of accessories, just a watches and also my ring + bracelet (which is from my mom and grandma) and for a Cap, i just take it from my brother :)

Second, usually i'm not really into skirt .. but it changed now, so i started to buy a new skirts ♥

i really love this long skirt from H&M

And the third is, i'm not into high heels, especially like this one (maybe around 10 cm) for my daily day. So, the high heels in the pic above is just for the project.  I will wear it for another event (just NOT for daily) ... but ...

FYI, i choose 3 cm for my daily :p

Last but not least, Jeans and T-shirt is a must!!! every people in this world have at least one of jeans and t-shirt, right? because it comfortable to wear, and the most important thing is ...   it will make you look 'good' in a blink of eye *wink* hahaha 

Ok,that's all about "My Casual Style" and I will meet you again with another Style :)

p.s : Thank you so much to my Sister,July ... who willingly to become my photographer,stylist and fashion stylist :) 

---

"Fashion fades, only style remains the same"

-Coco Chanel 

---

♥  

2014

HEI HO EVERYONE!
First of all, i would like to say HAPPY NEW YEAR :) (i know it's kind of late ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ )
so, as you can see ... there's a bit of differences in my blog , yeah i change my template, cause i thought the old one is doesn't really suit me anymore
I try to become more mature, so yaahh ... here it is (But, maybe i will change it again lol)

It's been a long time since my last post, a lot of things happen ... a good and a bad one ...
But, i will give you the good one :)
This is about my assignment for the last exam,the course called mobile technology.We got an assignment to make an application for android (1 group consisting of 2 people), automatically i was with Nadya (hehe) and we both agree to made an application about How to Mix and Match your Dress
and the app called "Match The Dress"
Basically, this application is about a how to choose a good dress (in my opinion), there's a tips too (but we made an app with Bahasa Indonesia) and now i will show you a little bit of my picture >.<

The icon by Nadya

i'm not gonna post a lot of my pic here....
Cause it's for another POST ! :) LOL
so i hope to see all of you again in the next post and ...
HAPPY HOLIDAY !



ps : please bear with my English (i'm not really good with it, so i will try my best in the future)

---

"I'm a minimalist. 
I don't really need much to enjoy a good holiday
 - just my family and the bare essentials."
-Jean Reno

---

♥ 

2013

Bonjour,
Hi everyone, this is really ... really a late post :(
So i want to tell you a little bit about what happened with me around this month 
i'm sick about one week and then a horrible thing happend
The First one is, about a week ago ... my pencil case being stolen , but i put my iphone there .. so my iphone being stolen too! :(  to be honest, this is the first time i lost my phone, so i really don't know what to do ... i feel upset but mad at the same time ... Hope God has a better plan for me and for the "thief". Amen.


The second is ...
18 May ago is my sister Boyfriend Birthday, so we have a plan to surprise him!
We're going to his house at 8 o'clock in the morning when he still sleep and we gonna give him a little 'present'

With a chicken hair :) and a ball of newspaper

He really feel annoyed :) but it's really fun to see him

And the next day, we're going to celebrate his birthday again but it's not what we're expected, so we just celebrate his birthday at his car 

The Birthday cake \^^/

The Third is ...
22 May is my friend at college, Nadya Birthday ... 
She really surprised when we give her a cake and also there's a boy who crush on her, their face going red ♥

Nadya and her crush >.<

The Birthday cake :)

A little piece of word from friends 

i do LOVE a BIRTHDAY PARTY ! 


There always be a happy and sad side in a life ... i choose to be enjoy every moment even when it worse, but i only a human ... i felt really sad sometimes but i hope everything going to be better ...

Thank you so much for read and i hope all of you be more careful now, especially when you around the strangers. 
See you on the next post :)

"You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life"

-Albert Camus

♥

Ne-Yo -- Let me Love You (Until you learn to love yourself)

Much as you blame yourself                   
You can't be blamed for the way that you feel ...
Had no example of a love
That was even remotely real
How can you understand 
Something that you never had
Oh, baby if you let me
I can help you out with all of that ...

*Girl let me love you ...
and i will love you ...
Until you learn to love yourself ...
Girl let me love you ...
i know your trouble ...
Don't be afraid ...
Girl let me help ....

Girl let me love you
and i will love you ...
until you learn to love yourself ...
Girl let me love you ...
A heart in numbness ...
is brought to life ...
i'll take you there ...

Hey! hey!
(Girl let me love you)
Girl let me love you baby .. oooh 
(Girl let me love you)
Girl let me love you baby ...
(Girl let me love you)
Let me love you ...
Let me love you ...
oohh ...

I can see the pain behind your eyes 
it's been there for quite a while ...
I just wanna be the one
To remind you what it is to smile ... yeah
I would like to show you
What true love can really do .....

*Girl let me love you ...
and i will love you ...
Until you learn to love yourself ...
Girl let me love you ...
i know your trouble
Don't be afraid ...
Girl let me help .....

Girl let me love you
and i will love you ...
Until you learn to love yourself ...
Girl let me love you ...
A heart in numbness ...
is brought to life ...
i'll take you there ...
Oooohh ... 

(Girl let me love you)
Girl let me love you baby ... oh 
(Girl let me love you)
Girl let me love you baby ..
(Girl let me love you)
Let me love you ...
Girl let me love you baby ...

For every heart that beats
For every heart that beats
For every heart that beats
For every heart that beats
Heart that beats
Heart that beats
Heart that beats
Heart that beats

*Girl let me love you ...
and i will love you ...
Until you learn to love yourself ...
Girl let me love you ...
i know your trouble
Don't be afraid ...
Girl let me help .....

Girl let me love you
and i will love you ...
Until you learn to love yourself ...
Girl let me love you ...
A heart in numbness ...
is brought to life ...
i'll take you there ...

 
 

Eloquent Silence

Bonjour,
Recently,I read a lot of novels from ebook and 
i want to review about my latest novel that i read , but this novel is not the newest novel from Sandra Brown

so this is the synopsis :

Lauri is a dedicated young teacher for the deaf. Her past conceals a wound still unhealed, her present is a facade, and she uses her career to hide her loneliness. Drake, daytime TV's most popular star, has two secrets -- the daughter he believes may never have a normal life and the dead wife he can't forget. Jennifer is the beautiful hearing-impaired child who may become a pawn between the man and the woman she needs most. Now, in a chic New Mexico arts community, the three are given a chance to be a family...but first each must find a voice to express the deepest fears and greatest needs of the heart.





So,this is not really the best novel i ever read. but doesn't mean this novel is bad too. 
the character of Drake as actor doesn't really strong, the plot story tends to normal.
But i love Laurie character,she's very passionate to help Jennifer to become a normal child and she could be a formidable woman regardless of her past. 


so,this novel is worth it to be read, lightweight story so, you don't need to think too much ;)

“In order to win everything, a woman must know to lose.” 

― Sandra Brown

♥ 

Bento Box

Bonjour,
Today i wanna post about Bento Box .. my sister and her boyfriend  celebrated  their 4 years anniversary about 2 weeks ago and my sister decided to made a bento box for him and i just help with  decorating.
Here the picture :

sis and her boy

so,basically is not really hard to made it ... you can use rice or fried rice (just like my sister) and the most important thing is mold (you can use chocolate mold or cake mold or if you wanna be spesific , you can buy mold for bento,you can search at google and there's a lot of mold for bento with a cute design) you can buy it anywhere. and next is vegetable , such as cucumber,carrot (whatever you like) and also my sister give a meatball and sausages

Well, actually is not really good as professional. This is the first time we make it and it's fun ~

You can try at home.. made as creative as you can

Good luck! : )

“I love you like a fat kid loves cake!” 

― Scott Adams

♥ 

Another day ...

Bonjour,
This is my new post since my last post and it's been a long time : )
so, there's nothing change in my life .. i'm still busy with my college life,sometimes enjoyed some fun time with my dearest friend,my bro and sis and another stuff~
and this is some of my day experience since  my absence and  i want to share my experience when i and my friend sell noodle for assignment and it's really fun (sorry for my bad :p )
and this is another picture : 

L-R : juwita,me,elys,selly and nadya

This is really "yummy" noodle, my friend Elysia who made it and for your information all the noodle it's sold out (hip hip hurray (/^▽^)/ ) and it's feel so good and tired at the same time, know how your parents exhausted everyday to work.

So,another time i pick is ... I'm 19th now! and we celebrate my dad's birthday too.. nothing special , just just made a surprise for him 

this is mine

this is my dad's cake

 And another happy day = MY SISTER GRADUATION! i'm so proud of her and i can't wait when my time comes...  and now she's busy with her work (poor her) 

well, this is really a piece of my absence post. There's a lot more thing i want to share .. but, i think i will stop here and i will post another trip or experience. 
Thank for read and see you on the next post 

"Life is a dream for the wise, a game for the fool, a comedy for the rich, a tragedy for the poor. "

Sholom Aleichem 

♥  

Another weekend

Bonjour,
APRIL MOP! today is 1st April :) and it's sunday ... but, i can't go anywhere cause exam!
it's really a TRAP for me (so sad)
so, now i will post about weekend on last week. Me,my lil bro, my sis and her boy spend weekend together.
my sis boyfriend buy a polaroid camera (and it's really old) only 30k! here the pic :

and next, we went to Emporium mall looked for Japan Korean Festival and it's not really good as i expected
We bought okonomiyaki and takoyaki (Japanese food) :

okonomiyaki with salmon

next, we went to Central Park to enjoy Japanese food again in Hachi-Hachi (what a life :D)

SALMON !

dragon roll and the other :)

with my bro!

well, last week was a statisfying weekend but today was a hell weekend. Please go away exam :( 

ok, see you on next post.

thanks for read :)

"There aren't enough days in the weekend."

Rod Schmidt 

♥